The Past

A man will share his story with only two types of people; the woman that he cares about, who he feels he can reveal his soul to, and another man who may wear the same scars. Talking about a heavy past with another man who might understand takes some of the weight of the man's history off his shoulders for a while, giving him a minute to breathe. He shares with the woman he cares about, not for pity, but to help her understand who and what he truly is, as well as the path he took to get there. Both are important in their own right and for their own reasons. Both are moments to be cherished and respected for what they are.

How do I know? When I decided to be "normal" and live the cookie cutter life that was sold to me for so many years, I hid everything I was because I did not feel that people in my new life would understand; I knew that they would likely judge me for those things. I hid from co-workers, neighbors, and people I became friends with at the gym as best I could. Sure things leaked out now and again, like a momentary burst of aggression and anger, but I was able to disguise it as meathead "gym guy" behavior.

The person I lied to the most was the first woman I married. I hid most of my history and disguised all my behaviors so well that I lost my identity and forgot who I was. It took meeting a man at the gym, who was maybe five years my senior, that was still knee deep in the life I left behind, to change my perspective. The more we spoke the more I returned and the more the weight I was carrying in private started to lift. The more we spoke the angrier I got about what I had become. It took a divorce, a new carrier, and a new woman to slowly regain "me". It took going through depression, pain, and a complete shuffling of my life to understand some things. To have a successful marriage I cannot hide who and what I am; good, bad, scary, or ugly. To have any sort of friendships, I may not have to show all my cards, but I cannot hide myself behind a fake smile and bland conversation. 

The weak dump their trash on everyone's doorstep, stinking of ignorance and embellishment, for pity and attention. This is not what we do. It takes strength and courage to show yourself vulnerable and honest before someone who is in your circle in an effort to be understood. And if you know someone is burdened by their past it's never a bad time to say hello, ask how they are doing, even if it's just to share a short laugh or a stupid meme. It could mean all the difference in their day.